At the beginning of this month, I hung a fresh out of the package calendar on my wall. 366 blank squares stared back at me full of possibility. I felt refreshed and motivated – ready to make this year mine. However, by the last week of January, those little squares are scribbled on and future months are filling up with birthdays, events, and photo sessions. It’s exciting and exhausting all at the same time. I begin to feel the weight of my expectations.
I wish we could hold on to that amazing feeling of motivation that comes with the start of a new year. I make my resolutions with a plan to achieve them, and for the first couple weeks I knock it out of the park with ease (disclaimer – I’m on vacation for the first week, so that’s pretty much cheating). I begin to think to myself I should have set more challenging goals, so I start filling our days with more activities. Before I know it, I’m reminded that the year is not a sprint – it’s a marathon. The key to meeting our own expectations is to actually make them attainable. Coincidentally, this is also the key to a happy family. As the saying goes, “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Your kids and loved ones can tell when you’re stressed out, and it can bring everybody down.
We all feel the pressure society puts on us to do it all. We are convinced we should workout at 5 am, prepare amazing, healthy meals, keep the house clean, shovel the driveway, take care of kids and pets, schedule appointments, be a shoulder to cry on, return emails and phone calls, take a 3 year old into hobby lobby to buy craft supplies, take online classes and catch up on personal projects, and look good while doing this all in one day. I’m tired just typing that ridiculously long sentence. We are influenced by Parenting magazine, Pinterest, and Facebook to think we must hyper schedule our lives. If we are not busy, we’re doing it wrong.
Just for the record, I almost never wake up at 5 am, my meals are healthy but rarely amazing, there’s a layer of dust in my house, and I throw my hair in a ponytail almost daily (and not the cute, stylish kind – more the “just rolled out of bed” kind). My #1 New Year’s resolution is to do less this year. Yes, that’s right, less. Don’t get me wrong, I still strongly believe we should all dream big. I did set my goals high, but I plan to give myself the time needed to actually accomplish them. We can’t over schedule our lives and expect to be successful in every area. It’s impractical to think I can tackle a mile long to-do list with kids in tote and still end the day with a smile on everyone’s face. When I’m stressed, I yell, and yelling “BE QUIET” at kids is just counter productive. It’s true success requires sacrifice, but managing our time and putting our families first are also vital keys to a successful life. Regardless of the time needed to fulfill our obligations and personal goals, there are still just 24 hours in a day. The world tells us we can be “super moms” and have it all, but the truth is, we can’t do it all. Not alone and not every single day. There will of course be days when doing it all is necessary and unavoidable, but it’s not a sustainable way of life. I’m my best when my abilities aren’t stretched to the limit.
Meeting our expectations and achieving our goals means accepting the stage of life we’re in and embracing it. I’m the mother of young children right now, and there will be days when there’s not time for anything else. I’m okay with that and I plan for it. I don’t want to let these days slip by in a busy blur. I expect there will probably be a meltdown today, someone will cry, someone will ask for my help, my husband will be worn out after work, and I might not get everything done I wanted to today. However, I also expect a lot of hugs and kisses, laughter, singing and dancing in the kitchen, and contentedness because I’m happy right where I’m at. We don’t need to wait until we achieve our personal and professional goals to be happy. We can find happiness in the journey.
I have to admit I’m guilty of not always being realistic about the stage my family’s in. I’ve gone on past family vacations with crazy expectations for vacationing with young children. I’ve over planned the day in my head, expected us to love every second, try new foods, see new things, and maybe even sneak in a date night. I don’t want to say I went into this year’s vacation with low expectations, because I definitely expected us to have a great time. I simply realized I’m traveling with a 3 and 5 year old. I made no plans. We woke up everyday and asked the kids what they wanted to do and then we did it (and I photographed them doing it). At bedtime, all four of us laid in bed together and watched cartoons until the boys fell asleep. We had dinner every night with the whole family, and I felt just as loved as I do when we get a date night – maybe more! It was maybe the best vacation I’ve ever had. This is where we’re at right now. It’s not always glamorous (or relaxing), but I choose to love it whether we’re on the beach or stuck in the snow.
