Where do you go, or what do you do to listen to your inner voice? How do you find yourself in the hustle of your daily “to dos”. We are all so busy raising families, working on relationships, building careers, and making our mark of the world. How to you free your mind of distraction and concentrate on what makes you happy? These are extremely important questions, because it’s one of the greatest highlights of this journey through life – the pursuit of happiness.
My baby brother is a pilot. The little boy I used to pick on, tease my sister with, run barefoot around the farm with. He is all grown up now, and he has a career – and one that he loves at that! I imagine he feels a wonderful sense of freedom while he is in his “office” high above the clouds. The perfect place to find and listen to his voice. I’m so proud of him and the happiness he has found. He had a goal, and he made it happen. I still can’t believe he’s actually a pilot. In the same way I still can’t believe I own my own business…seriously…it feels weird typing it. When I got married and started a family, I went from I (which I was really good at and terrified to change at first) to we. Six years later, I hardly ever refer to myself as I or by my given name. I am Mom and I am we…and I love every second of it – more than I ever knew I could. So, every once and a while when telling people about my business, I refer to it as our business. I shouldn’t do that. For the first time in a long time, I’ve done something that is just mine. I should be proud and own it. We feel a strange sense of guilt as parents when we do something that is just for us. We shouldn’t – we need a sense of self. A way to hear our inner voice. How can you make your family happy and meet their emotional needs if you aren’t happy yourself?
The hardest part of marriage and raising kids, for me, is lack of alone time. You see, I’m a loner at heart. I love being around people and I LOVE to talk, but I crave those late night hours spent by myself – editing, enjoying a glass of wine, and thinking. There are no distractions. Totally lost in my thoughts while listening to good music. But, let’s face it, sometimes I actually have to sleep, so a daytime activity that provides a release is necessary. In my 20s, I used to go to the beach to center myself and rejuvenate. Or, I would take myself on an “alone date”. Alone surrounded by people. No distractions to keep you from taking in and appreciating the beauty of the world and the people in it. If you’ve never taken yourself out for dinner or to a movie, you are missing out. Seriously, spending time with yourself is time well spent. My sister is the queen of the alone date. She has a wonderful ability to get lost in her own little world, and she is a very centered and strong woman because of it.
Photography has given me a way to look past the distractions – to get lost in the moment. It is my voice I use to speak to myself as well as express myself to the world. It is a piece of me, not as a parent or a wife, but as Cristen. It makes me so happy. While photographing my boys, I am not worrying about what I’m making for dinner that night, not thinking about the laundry that needs to be done – I am just in the moment with them. I’m noticing all their perfect features that will change and grow too quickly. I’m listening to them and watching them interact. In a way, it’s my new alone date. While I view the world through my lens, all distractions fade away and all I notice is the beauty. I find myself.
Will is a lot like me…it’s a good and bad thing. I notice he too craves alone time. Time to play by himself and do his own thing. He can spend up to 30 minutes lining up his trucks, cars, and planes. Charlie might be in the room with him wanting to play too, but he ignores him and does his own thing. After lining them up, sometimes they talk to each other, or sometimes they race around the room accompanied by adorable vroom sounds. He was deep in his own little world flying his plane in the image above. He is a happier guy after he flies his planes. His planes, cars, and trucks are his voice.
Like I said before, I love being part of we. I wouldn’t trade my we for my beloved I for anything in the world. I’m very happy to share my journey with these three.
